Here Am I

God. is. GOOD!

Worried I’d overload Tumblr if i say that as many times as i felt like saying it =P

Definitely gotta find a day to just sit back and chill, not be put under so much of this stress. Also, kinda missin’ them old people I used to talk to. Why is Thanksgiving break so far off?

Small note of thanks to all those that have encouraged me since my last post. Lesson learned: Pay less attention to the accusers and more to the brothers and sisters in Christ that love you. I will not be taking that for granted again =P

On another note… things have been looking up finally this week. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to just sit back and relax for a good half hour. Also starting to say good morning to God after I wake up.. maybe not the moment right after I wake up, but at least in the morning. And also listening to praise music on the bus ride always helps too =D Though there’s been something sitting on my heart that refuses to let me fully connect with God. I can’t even tell what it is, it’s just this thing I feel like is blocking a full interaction with God. Usually I’d be able to envision all the works of God and feel his glory, but right now it stays very bland. I’ll have to figure that out. Anyhow, praise be to God for all the things He has done and will do!

I may not act like I care, but I am so sick and tired of the people that tell me I’m doing a poor job leading CF. I’m not the best. Heck I KNOW I’m not the best and I’ve spent the last frickin summer telling God I’m not the best and how much I need him. But from a bunch of Christians, a few in particular, I really do not need the crap and in fact could use some dang prayer and encouragement.

If you think I’m doing a poor job leading, get the frick off your chair and tell me to my face that you can do a better job, cuz I’ll gladly hand leadership over to you. I would gladly sit back and just enjoy a stress-free Christian life like before. And you know why I didn’t do much today except just get intros and games in? Because I have no idea what anyone wants to get out of CF, and I’m almost afraid to dive too deep into the word of God because I’m not sure how much everyone can handle.

Rant done. Now back to work -.-

lol i sometimes find it amusing how whenever i tell about my life before i was a Christian to people, most of the reactions i get are like “WHAT?! how is that possible? YOU?” haha you have no idea, my friends… but God is very good. i don’t have the strength to argue with you all day about the scientific possibilities of why God exists or why the resurrection of Jesus was possible, but if you want proof as to the the power of God, take a good look at me. them before and after commercials got nothin on the one and only Christ yo! =D

This is by far the slowest month I have ever lived through lol

THERE ARE STILL 8 MORE DAYS. WHAT IS THIS?!

The thing we need to do in order to do everything we want, no matter how impossible, is to first realize that we can’t do it without God. If we fully fall into his mercy and utterly depend on Him, we will prevail.

whatheightsoflove:

-Karen Kingsbury

It seems all of my deep conversations happen on car rides home.

My dad and I were having a conversation about my life the past 4 years. I thought it was just one more of the conversations where I had with my mom, usually ending with “if you had just tried a little bit harder and didn’t put so much time into church, you might have been able to reach even higher for college.” Surprisingly, that didn’t happen at all. He asked a bunch of questions like.. did I think I devoted too much time to church the past few years? Did I think that if I hadn’t used those hours on Friday and Sunday at church and instead spent the time at home studying, I might have done better? I answered frankly: I didn’t think I spent too much time at church. I think that the reason behind my academic setbacks were my lack of motivation to do well, barely related to the church. My dad’s reply has stuck in my mind.

My dad: To be honest, I think your academic life was definitely influenced by your church life. How couldn’t it be? You come home late on Fridays, sleep in on Saturdays, and wake up early on Sundays again. Aside from using up all that time, you end up less rested than your friends at school simply because you put the time into church. But there’s a lesson to be learned here. Your love for God isn’t a bad thing. It sets you apart, gives you a greater purpose. That’s why I never protested you going to church much. But what I want you to remember, no matter what you go though, is that being a Christian means making sacrifices. Being a Christian isn’t like what those TV evangelists always say. You know, how if you follow God everything’s good and you’ll always be happy. Totally not the case. But God’s gifts are there if you follow him. Think about it: You stuck with the church and now you’re a leader there. That doesn’t come in a day. And also now you’ve matured and understand your purpose in life better. But none of that came without sacrifice. Remember that there’s a cost. But you have to stick with it. You never know where God’s gonna bring you.

How epic is that? Those are words I’ll hold on to. If even my dad thinks that the sacrifices of following Christ are worth being in the presence of His glory, then I KNOW I’m on the right path following Christ. Thanks dad =D Praise God for all He’s done and will do.

I understand the circumstances have changed between the two of us. I understand that I never liked you back. And to be honest? I was fine with everything. I thought we could be good friends at least. But I guess you don’t see it that way. When did a change in circumstances constitute acting like a total jerk?

I surprise myself with how I feel about certain things. One is my relationship with people. If someone doesn’t like me or brushes me off because they think I’m annoying, I’m more than willing to change what I’m doing that’s annoying. But when I’ve done nothing wrong and they refuse to even talk about it, it sits in the back of my mind and gnaws at me. It’s annoying.

But… anyhow, I suppose it’s nothing. Things are what they are because of all of our actions. Let us see what God has in store then.

Things have been taking surprising, though not necessarily, good turns today. Left and right… with the spiritual warfare of friends and my own spiritual war, and also with my academics as well. It’s been… wow. But, perhaps there is good to come out of this. Maybe this is finally what’s needed to jolt people from their sleep in their faith to being active members of the body of Christ.

Pray for me, pray for us. Let’s get the angels of the Lord to start fighting by our side.

I want so badly to see people get hit with the realization that need to stop living lukewarm lives for Christ. That living as a Christian is an all-out war against the darkness in this world. I want to see people be hit by the realization of what Christ did for them like it was 2000 tons of cement. How do I get them to all start praying? What do we have to do, to say, to anything, to get people to actually care again for what we do as a body of Christ? When do we start realizing that while we are sitting doing nothing there are people falling away from the body, dying in their faiths as we speak? I want to open people’s hearts up to the whisper of God so badly, but I don’t know how… I am willing, so God please send me if it is your will. But should you choose to send me, show me how to serve You to the uttermost. This is a cry from my heart God. Hear it.

The post I just made is so true… If I find a girl like that. If I’ve found a girl like that. Now that would be someone I would wait for. Because frankly God made me in a way that I never cared much for myself and cared mostly for others. If someone cared more for me than for God’s will? Now there’d be something wrong with that wouldn’t there? Fall in love with God first. I most definitely come second. Amen =D